A few weeks ago my sister in law asked my mum if she had any photos of my brother who will be 40 in December.

As she was looking for photos of him she found one of me and K.

She rang me up and asked if she could send it as she didn’t want to upset me by posting it out of the blue.

I told her it was ok to send it - and she did - I received it this morning.

To say it’s made me sad is an understatement.

There we were together at my Grans house - we look so young - and I suppose we were - I could have only been 19 when that photo was taken.

K looked so handsome - his unruly blonde hair - his beautiful blue eyes - his ripped designer jeans!

I miss him so very much.

I wouldn’t care but a really odd thing happened this morning before I received the photo - H went outside for a cig and when she came in she made me jump and for a fleeting second I thought “oh good that’s K back” I cried my eyes out when I told H - who had asked me what the matter was.

I don’t know why I am so stupid as to think anyone but K would fancy me or love me - why do I put myself through the trauma of actually wishing men would ask me out - or want to be with me.

I don’t know …..