What a horrible weekend I’ve had. 

Friday night I went to J’s for a curry – which sounded fun as we had a blast the last time we did it but oh NO!
I came back feeling fucking suicidal.  One of the women she invited cried the whole time we were there. I could have got up and come home but I didn’t feel it right to leave everyone.  
I know grief overwhelms you only too well but I also know that sometimes no matter what you have to hide the tears & heartache. Just wish she’d been able to as it made for an awful night! 

Ho bloody hum! 

Saturday wasn’t much better – I’m getting cabin fever really bad but I’ve no way of getting out – all our big shops are miles away & having no car means I can’t get there. So when I talked to my mum later in the day I felt sick listening to the places she had been and the things she had done.

Ho bloody hum. 

Sunday – well where to begin?

J is moving away. She has found a house and she is going.

The bastard that killed her husband is being released in November having served 2 years and 5 months. 
She was asked last week about an ‘exclusion zone’ she wanted miles and miles however she had to agree to just around our street.
 
It’s so fucking wrong.

He shouldn’t be out of prison, never mind able to wander the streets where she could see him. 

So she is moving – I’ve known for ages that she was looking but I never thought she would really go. I cried my eyes out last night. My buddie is leaving me. I totally understand but from my selfish point of view I don’t want her to go.  

Then I discovered C my other good pal is moving! She is off to Lincolnshire as soon as her boyfriend sells his house.

Gutted is not a good enough word to say how I am feeling right now. 

Then if that wasn’t bad enough I talked to my sister who took great delight in telling me her holiday plans. My mum & dad are going to dog sit for my brother whilst he goes away then they are dog sitting for my sister whilst she goes then they are going away. 

Do you know it’s over 5 years since I had a proper holiday and with no job in sight I’m not likely to get one ever again. 

I am so sick of ‘rejection letters’ it’s soul destroying! 

So woe is me & all I can think is ‘it’s my life and I’ll cry if I want to’ but really I am so going to miss J and C – they’ve helped me during the worst time of my life and for that I will always be truly thankful and very grateful but what the fuck will I do with out their support?