Over the past two days there’s been a pair of birds sat on Mr over the Roads roof. 

They are in love and it’s so sweet. They look like they are kissing and cuddling most of the time and its making me sad. At the moment they are just sitting together watching the world go by but they keep looking at each other.  I wonder if the lady bird really likes the male bird – do birds have feelings or is it just about having baby birds together? Bless them.  

A widower I know added me to his face book yesterday – he’s been missing in action for a while and I found out why – he’s got a Thai girlfriend – her visa is due to run out and she has to go home but he is going out there in a few weeks and they are getting married. 

Spring comes and love blossoms but my heart aches! 

4 days to go and counting – I can’t believe he’s been dead 2 years. I still can’t really believe he’s dead and never coming back. Yes each day gets easier and the cliché’s of “life goes on and time heals” are true but it doesn’t stop me missing him.  

I miss him so much.

Even now two years on I still want to talk to him – just to sit and have a chat – I miss his company, his daft stories and stupid jokes. I miss his blonde mop of unruly hair. I just miss him. 

Last year I remember thinking that people who were getting to their first year were saying things like “this time last year” but I couldn’t see this time last year in my mind – it was all a big blur but this year I’m thinking “this time two years ago” maybe I’m better placed to handle those thoughts now – maybe what ever was blocking them from me thinking about them has gone. 

Everyone keeps asking me what I am going to do on Tuesday and do you know what I am not going to do anything.  

Last year me H and D went to the coast – I took a red rose and tossed it into the sea – we vowed we’d make it a yearly thing but for what ever reason I just don’t want to do it. I want to be home. I’ll get some flowers and take them to the grave yard but I don’t want a big fuss. 

I’ve taken off my eternity ring and placed it in the treasure box – another step forward into accepting this is my life without him!