Well I made it without any tears.

I went over to see Tidgy with H this morning at the hospital K was treated in for 15 years. It was hard – I could see him everywhere – sitting waiting for me at the front door – sat on the bench – sat in the canteen – he was just everywhere or at least my memories of him were. 

As I walked by the unit he was in my tummy was doing flip flops but I held it together. I said to H “I never ever expected to be back there” but I was and although it was hard and the memories very painful – I did it. 

Tidgy isn’t doing to good today – she has a lot of extra fluid and they said she has reflux – H argued that point and said that she’d never had it before why has she suddenly got it now – the nurse to be perfectly blunt was a real bitch and argued with her – I was furious and wanted to say something but I didn’t. The conversation ended when the nurse said she would phone the other hospital and ask them. H and I got up and left and H rang the other hospital and asked and they said she defiantly did not have reflux before she left them.

So bitch nurse can fuck right off – she had no need to speak to H like that at all, nasty bloody cow. 

As I left I got a pang in my heart – I had to walk past the unit again and I’ve got to admit I did look for him but he wasn’t there – I still miss him so very much.